Love is messy and unpredictable, but relationships shouldn’t be. So why do most of us allow ourselves to get into petty, unreasonable arguments where winning feels like losing? And more importantly, why do we continue repeating these same arguments to the point where our relationships risk falling apart? Perhaps identifying these stupid things many couples do can help us determine what drives us to destroy what could have been great partnerships.
Projecting insecurities
Many people want validation for their insecurities by placing them into their partners’ laps. For example, one might ask if they gained weight, and the partner can be honest or lie. You know the truth, so work on your self-esteem instead of putting them in a tough spot.
Comparing relationships
People often compare their current with ex-partners, forgetting that there are reasons why previous relationships ended. Instead of dealing with problems here and now, they focus on the past. It can lead to resentment and hopelessness because we often engage in rewriting history. If you are unhappy, speak up, but don’t use previous relationships as excuses to avoid facing real issues.
Social media pressure
Dating in the digital age is tricky. It takes away from your time with your partner, can create a sense of jealousy, and even lead to hurt feelings. This is an exceptionally touchy subject when you see all those loved-up couples sharing picture-perfect lives and ask yourself why your relationship isn’t perfect. You know it is all for a show, but one “like” can still lead to a lack of trust, and suddenly, you mess up your partnership over something that’s not real.
Mother knows best
Many people allow others to influence their relationships. It could be that you’re always listening to your best friend, mom, or sibling, but peer pressure is real in relationships. However, just because something worked for them does not mean it will work for you. Not everyone in your circle is a good influence, and your partner shouldn’t have to pay the price for that.
Keeping score
One of you does the dishes, and the other cleans up. That’s the deal, and it is set in stone. However, what if one of you needs to continue with their work? What if they are tired or don’t feel like doing anything that one night? If it is a pattern, arguments are in order, but keeping score can be petty.
Believing you have to agree on everything
People in relationships can have different opinions, and one is not better than the other. This is called understanding. However, it is easy to lose sight of this, especially if your partner already did something that ticked you off. Instead of talking things out, the whole agree-to-disagree thing goes out the window and turns into a mess.
Italian vs. Indian
Yes, the smallest things, like choosing a restaurant, can trigger a volcano of emotions. It is not about whose pick is better but about “winning.” Of course, like any other petty argument, there are more significant issues at hand. Perhaps you both want to right to satisfy your egos. Maybe you both need to be in control. Regardless, if you are ready to argue over choosing a restaurant while not addressing the real issue, you have a problem.
Mistaking secrets for privacy
Keeping secrets from your partner only makes it harder for them to understand you and get to know the real you. They can sabotage your relationship because they clearly intend to hide something important from your partner. Privacy deals with personal boundaries, and it helps keep relationships fresh.
You believe that relationships always stay the same
Initially, everything seems perfect, and the world is a better place. That’s called the honeymoon stage, and many believe that a relationship should stay that way forever. Instead of growing and evolving, you may start resenting your partner for opening up and trying to engage you in real-life conversations. All you should do is embrace the change and deepen the connection. But that voice always asks you to turn back time, and that’s not how life works.
Always or never
If one or both of you use “you always” or “you never” in arguments, you are slowly killing your relationship. It is childish, extreme, and never truthful. You will either be met with a counter-attack, meaning your argument will escalate, or nothing at all. Regardless, these accusations never lead to common ground.
Using excuses to win an argument
Shifting blame and using excuses may seem innocent enough: you wanted to de-escalate the argument and listened to your defensive ego. However, relationships are about taking responsibility, apologizing when needed, and not being afraid to express yourself.
Jealousy and suggestive comments
Jealousy is born out of insecurities, fears, and past experiences. While it can be a natural response to a situation, it can lead to trouble if it leads to suggestive comments, accusations, or scenarios. In tiny portions, jealousy itself can be healthy, but most people don’t know how to stop themselves, so a cute conversation turns into a screaming match.
The “I told you so” trap
These four dreadful words bring instant satisfaction, but they are nothing but passive-aggressive, childish proof that one of you was right, usually in situations where chances of “winning” were 50/50. Saying these words really doesn’t change anything, but it can make you look like a discouraging partner.
You’re hiding shopping bags
Fights about finances are among the most common, and the outcome is often not pretty. However, most couples do not fight about money but what it represents. Instead of hiding credit card statements or shopping bags, expressing what money means to you would be better.
Asking questions you do not want answers
Sometimes, curiosity gets the better of us, and we ask whatever it is that we know we do not want to know. It could be a question about past relationships or a coworker, and it could start innocent enough. However, if your gut tells you to stop yourself because the answer could bring out old insecurities, and you still don’t take it back, you’re stepping on a landmine. Wrong questions are running relationships daily because they start small and escalate in the blink of an eye.
Top 3 U.S. States That Almost No One Leaves (And for Good Reason)
Top 3 U.S. States That Almost No One Leaves (And for Good Reason)
Kate Smith, a self-proclaimed word nerd who relishes the power of language to inform, entertain, and inspire. Kate's passion for sharing knowledge and sparking meaningful conversations fuels her every word.