Despite appearing “nice” or “polite,” these gestures are infuriating for most, and unsurprisingly, despite your best efforts, people might perceive your intentions as rude and annoying. Here are the most common annoying “kind” gestures most of us are guilty of.
Saying “whatever you want”
You might try to sound flexible, but if you’re ordering food with your partner or friends, they ask you what you want because they need an answer. You “whatever you want” means the other person or group of people are responsible for your meal, so if they order something you might not like they will feel annoyed and guilty, cos you will be left hungry.
Showering people with personal information
Perhaps you want everyone to feel they can be themselves around you, but oversharing can put the other person in an uncomfortable situation. Maybe they do not feel comfortable learning about your whole life right away, and even worse, they might feel they are expected to share, and they really do not want to.
Giving comfort by comparing experiences
If your friend is going through something, your job is to listen, not to turn into “whose trauma is worse” competition. You want to be empathetic, but by comparing bad experiences, you are not solving your friend’s problem but only minimizing it. Try to be there for them, and tell them your life story when the time is right.
Tagging people without their permission
We live in the age of social media, so posting photos is part of everyday life. However, if you want to tag someone, ask them. Perhaps they are uncomfortable sharing their every move, or for whatever reason, they do not want everyone to know their social media handle. People have their rules on social media, so stop tagging without asking, even if you only want to share a lovely get-together.
Forcing someone to try a beverage or a cookie
They will not “love” a particular food or drink regardless of your promises. People have preferences, and your insistence will only worsen the situation if they decline the first time. You don’t know their diet, allergies, or whether they are in the mood to eat or drink, so if they say “no,” learn to respect it.
Holding doors if a person is too far
Holding the door for them is only necessary if someone is a few steps away. Pressuring someone to start running instead of walking just to make yourself look good is bothersome and will certainly not earn you any politeness points.
Terms of endearment
Your partner might be cool with you calling them “honey,” but keep your endearment terms for yourself around your coworker or acquaintance. It can be perceived as chauvinistic and even make the other person uncomfortable. Nicknames and pet names are reserved only for those closest to you.
Dating rules
Say you met someone on a dating app and are ready to see them in person. The plan is simple: get together in a public place and see how things go. But what if they want to save you the trouble of taking the bus by offering you a ride? That’s a kind gesture and a red flag. You never met them, so why would you want to give them your address or get locked in the car with a stranger?
Kissing and hugging while saying hello
Greetings tend to get physical, and that’s okay for some people, but not everyone likes to be touched or kissed instead of saying simply “hello.” Many people accepted hugging and kissing as a form of greeting, but the pandemic changed that, and some are simply not comfortable, so ask for permission.
Forcing someone to go out
No is an answer, but you think your best friend needs to go out, so forcing them is your way of showing that you care. But what if they genuinely need time for themselves, and you only make them feel guilty for not sharing your enthusiasm? If you really want to help them, offer them time in nature, not a night in a famous club. But remember, they have every right to refuse your offer even without explanation.
Trying to get someone to “see the light”
Religion and faith are private matters, so even if you think you are “saving one’s soul,” you are only irritating them. Trying to convince your atheist friend that your religion will save their life is pointless, and you’re risking a friendship over something that is not a bonding thing.
Unsolicited advice
Your heart might be in the right place, but your mouth makes condescending sounds. Unless someone asks for your advice, it is unwelcome, especially concerning parenting, dieting, or anything related to romance. Of course, offering coworkers Unsolicited is crossing the line and could get you in trouble with HR.
Once is enough
If someone sneezes, saying, “Bless you” is a common and welcoming expression. However, repeating it each time during allergy season can be frustrating. After the third or fourth time, you should not expect “thank you” because people are dealing with unpleasant sneezing attacks, and your blessings are not helping.
Going to work/school sick
You might want to finish a group project and don’t want others to feel like you left them hanging because you got sick. However, showing up with sniffles only puts the whole group at risk, so your “nice” gesture will only be perceived as selfish. Apologize and take care of your health, and you will protect others.
Setting up people without their consent
Even if you are a matchmaker from heaven and know your two single friends will be the perfect match, do not try to set them up unless they agree. It might appear like a good idea, but there are numerous reasons why you shouldn’t try to force people into relationships, including the fact that they might want to take time for themselves.
Saying, “Don’t be upset”
Telling people not to be upset, sad, or anything similar might sound comforting, but it really does nothing to help a person. Instead, you can ask them if they want to talk about what’s bothering them, and if not, just nod and tell them you are ready to listen whenever they are prepared to speak. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself whether a simple “don’t be sad” would suddenly make you all sunshine and rainbows.
Giving your friend your unwanted stuff
You might feel like you are doing excellent by giving away items you no longer use to your friends, but some people might feel like you are their charity project. Additionally, what makes you think they want your old things? Instead, mention that you have something they might like in passing, but make it casual and non-committal. You can always take your old stuff to the local Red Cross, Goodwill, or other organizations.
Overcomplimenting someone
A compliment is an epitome of politeness. But, going overboard and showing a person with them may appear insincere and put the person in a tough spot. Additionally, complementing someone based on their looks may feel like you’re objectifying them, so try to find neutral ground and say what you truly mean, but don’t overdo it.
The RSVP etiquette
You may have received an invite to an event you know you won’t be able to attend, so you want to be polite and keep things vague. However, your vague response frustrates the host, so explain that you have prior obligations, apologize, and decline the invite. Saying “maybe” means additional seat arrangements and meals, and once you don’t show up, it will only make organizers look silly.
Giving directions to the driver
Unless you were asked, do not interrupt the driver. Similarly, if you are unsure of the directions, do not tell them as if they are factual. In the age of Google Maps and GPS, it is safer to let the driver find their way instead of frustrating them with vague or unsolicited responses.
Kate Smith, a self-proclaimed word nerd who relishes the power of language to inform, entertain, and inspire. Kate's passion for sharing knowledge and sparking meaningful conversations fuels her every word.