Relationships are full of compromises, and conflicts are inevitable. However, the relationship could be beyond repair despite your efforts when certain red flags arise. Even going to a counselor or therapist will likely tell you to move on, especially if you feel threatened or unsafe. While we listed the 20 most common relationship dealbreakers, you have to keep in mind that some behaviors are not instantly recognized and that the toxic partner often displays more than one unhealthy trait.
Possessiveness
Having a possessive partner means dealing with someone so insecure that their anger and anxiety consume them. If it persists, it could lead to more severe problems, including paranoia, intimidation, and worse. While the partner fears being abandoned, they are treating you like an object.
Addiction
Dealing with an addict is a rollercoaster ride, and despite their promises and pleas, addictions will always win. You will never be their priority, and what’s worse, they might steal or manipulate you to satisfy their addiction. In some cases, their behavior could jeopardize your safety and well-being. Unless they start dealing with their addictions for themselves, no matter what you say or do, it is useless.
Significant differences in values
Values are the core of the beliefs and principles you need to be your authentic self. Values guide your decisions in everyday life, so if your partner’s values differ, there will be conflicts. However, if these differences include a lack of communication and respect, there is no reason to stay with that person. The disputes can start with something related to your religious, political, or moral values, but they can quickly grow into things that define your partnership.
Significant differences in goals
Being in a relationship is like playing for the same team. But if one player works toward a different goal, the whole team will suffer. Perhaps you don’t want children, and your partner can’t wait to become a parent. Or, you want to live in Florida while your partner’s eyes are set on Canada. Opposites attract, but it is best to walk away when it comes to life-changing decisions and an unwillingness to compromise.
Broken trust
Some relationships will survive cheating, while others won’t. Cheating or any other form of deception comes with a heavy price, and that’s loss of trust. If you don’t have trust, you cannot build a relationship. And sometimes, the wounds are so deep that no amount of therapy will fix them.
Anger problems
If a person has anger issues, they should seek therapy before entering a romantic relationship. If your partner’s anger issues are increasing or you fear that they could escalate, leave before it’s too late. Not all people with anger issues will become aggressive, but you could feel like you’re walking on broken glass, and that’s what healthy relationships look like.
You are not being yourself
Your relationship is not real if you’re always playing a role, saying what your partner wants to hear and agreeing with them without ever expressing your thoughts, ideas, or concerns. Sometimes, people fake their personas due to past traumas or low self-esteem. You both deserve to be authentic and to feel supported, even when you disagree on something.
Abuse
Abuse can be physical, verbal, or emotional, and it is harder to recognize it when there are no bruises or marks. But if you are afraid of what your partner might say or do, leave because, in a healthy relationship, two people are equal. Abusers, like people with an addiction, are not going to change, regardless of what they say.
Feeling worthless
If a partner makes you feel unvalued and unappreciated despite your attempts to discuss the issues, it is time to walk away. We often fall into a routine in long-term partnerships, but communication can resolve this common problem. However, if they ignore your pleas, moving forward could be impossible.
Lack of communication
Communicating in our hectic schedules can be challenging, but if both parties want their relationship to work, they will address and discuss the issue. However, if the doors of the commutation are closed, there is nothing you can do. Even if your partner is going through something, you are not a mind-reader, so getting out of the relationship makes sense.
Lack of ambitions
An unambitious partner will drag you down. You can encourage them and help them find what drives them, but if everything fails, it is not fixable. Living with an unambitious person can be tedious or exhausting, and eventually, it will reflect on your partnership. The reasons why some people are unambitious vary, but no one wants to be married to a couch potato.
Argument matches
Relationships come with ups and downs, but if a couple constantly argues and that’s their only form of communication, it could be a significant red flag. You might simply bring out the worst in each other. Perhaps you both need therapy, but either way, that is not a healthy relationship.
Dismissive behaviors
A series of dismissive behaviors serve as major red flags in relationships. From nagging and putting the other person down to disloyalty and dismissing a partner’s feelings, these are all signs that you are not getting respect from the person who’s supposed to love and cherish you the most. A person constantly disregarding their partner’s feelings despite their pleas does not deserve to be in a relationship.
Financial problems
The majority of Americans reported that they most commonly argue with their partner over finances. But if your partner is irresponsible or lying about spending, it is a major red flag. Four out of ten divorces are due to financial issues.
No collaboration
Without cooperation, there is no healthy relationship. Alongside communication and compromise, collaboration is among the most important ingredients in every partnership. If you are doing all the work, it is a huge red flag.
The silent treatment
This manipulation technique does not indicate that your partner needs time for themselves. It is toxic, unhealthy, and abusive because it keeps you on your toes, and you never know what you did or what’s on your partner’s mind. The withdrawal of communication is considered a form of punishment, which is clearly a dealbreaker.
Decision making
If your partner plans and makes decisions without you, they might not respect you. Again, this is a sign that there is a lack of communication and trust, and if things don’t improve once you express your concerns, it could signal irreconcilable differences.
Physical attraction
While emotional and intellectual bonds are important, so is physical attraction. It is expected to feel less attached to your partner as time passes, but it could be a red flag. You can try spending more time together, going on romantic trips or dates, and sometimes it will bring the spark back. In other cases, people tend to start getting annoyed with their partners. You can have a relationship without physical attraction, but you have to talk it through and come to a mutual understanding.
Gaslighting
Victims of gaslighting are usually not aware that they are being manipulated, which is why they end up with low self-esteem, disorientation, self-doubt, and more. Gaslighting comes with lying, confusion, and aligning people against their victims. If you suspect you are in this toxic relationship, you should talk to a professional about your next move.
Past issues
If your partner has unresolved traumas or is stuck in the past, they have to be willing to work on their problems to overcome them. Therapists cannot do anything if the person is not committed to doing the work. Even if you’re the most supportive partner, you can’t make someone come to you or erase their past.
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Kate Smith, a self-proclaimed word nerd who relishes the power of language to inform, entertain, and inspire. Kate's passion for sharing knowledge and sparking meaningful conversations fuels her every word.