7 Ways to Distinguish Mr. Right from Mr. Stalker 

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The hunt for Mr. Right can be full of terrible dates, miscommunications, and Mr. Wrongs. So when a cute guy shows up and is flattering you in all the right ways it can feel like all systems go.

But then he starts displaying some actions that feel a little weird and you have to wonder if this Mr. Right is actually your new stalker. 

#1) Does He Show Up to Your House Uninvited


A beau who sends flowers to your house to be there when you get home from work is cute and thoughtful, but one who’s actually sitting on your doorstep when you already have plans with the girls might not be.

If it happens once it’s nothing to worry about it, he just might have been a little overzealous. But if he starts completely disregarding your home privacy and tries to insert himself when you don’t really want him there it’s time to have a serious discussion about boundaries.

#2) Is He Jealous?


Some jealously is completely normal in relationships. No one wants to open up their Instagram and see a photo of their current boo dining with their ex at a lunch they were not informed about. But when they jealously veers into territory that just doesn’t feel right to you, then it might not be right.

Someone who is irrationally jealous might try to get you to spend less time talking to your mom in the morning because it’s time he feels like he should get from you, even when he’s already dominating the rest of your day.

#3) Does He Show Up Other Places Uninvited? 


Mr. Right might ask you who’s going to be at the party or if your client perhaps has a little crush on you because he cares about you and is concerned for your well being. He’s not going to post up at the restaurant and keep tabs on your client with some binoculars and a lip reader.

No matter how jolly and casual he might be when he crashes girls night at the bar, if he was not invited he isn’t invited. Talking about this should make it stop, not push farther.

#4) Does He Guilt Trip You? 


It is a common behavior in stalker or clingy type behavior for the person to alternate flattering you and trying to make you feel bad about or for something that you did. This conditions you to get close and hook your feelings, and then since you’re a nice and reasonable person you feel bad when you upset someone. The problem is that this behavior is highly manipulative and can sometimes be hard to see when you’re in the middle of it.

If you’ve always been thoughtful and pretty happy go lucky but lately you’ve been feeling really bad for a lot of things (and know that your intentions behind them were good) you might want to check in with what’s really happening in this relationship.

Sure, things come up from time to time that require fixing, but you shouldn’t be crying because you forgot to get walnuts for him when you were at the store. Mr. Right will always communicate the way that something made him feel, but he will never unfairly place any blame on you or seem to want you to feel bad or repent for anything.

Happy relationships are not built off of ultimatums. Those can be appropriate when it’s something like “stop cheating or I’ll leave you”, but they shouldn’t play into your average day in large or small ways.

You’re not responsible for anyone else’s happiness outside of being the best version of you that you can be. You shouldn’t have to “fix” his pain by skipping that weekend trip you’ve had planned for six months.

#5) How is His Phone Etiquette?

man phone

Mr. Right will make waves in the dating world by communicating, calling you on the phone, and returning text messages in reasonable amounts of times. If you wake up with 30 missed calls however and there isn’t a personal or national emergency to be seen then you might be dealing with a stalker situation. When you suggest that perhaps that’s a little extreme and he gets mad or irritated and tries to make you feel bad about it, that’s trouble.

When you know in your heart of hearts that someone is acting irrationally or when you’ve developed an abnormal amount of guilt lately in caring about him, it might be time to face the music and move on no matter how challenging it may be.

#6) Does He Have a Life of His Own?


Mr. Right is going to have a full life that makes him happy outside of his new relationship with you. It should be obvious that he cares about people and things and that people care about him back. Since you’ve only known him for a fraction of his life, he should have a ton of history (good and bad) that matches up with who he is now.

People who have a history of pushing through other people’s boundaries are going to have a lot of burnt bridges or lost friends in their path. If you start to realize that he doesn’t really seem to have good friends, or he won’t tell you why he got fired from his last job it’s time to set your feelers on high alert.

Same goes if he has a lot of horrible stories about ex friends and girlfriends, or if he seems to lie or have some holes in his stories.

#7) Is He Moving Too Fast?


If he sort of comes out of nowhere and tries to make you his life overnight it’s tempting to think it was some sweet love at first sight situation but he might just be compulsively filling a hole. If someone tries to push monogamy on you too quickly you might be dealing with a bit of a stalker. His reasoning is probably because he doesn’t want you to be available to other men, so he wants to lock you down for himself.

But when this happens so fast that you’re unsure about it, it’s a telltale bad sign. Mr. Right might make his intentions known quite quickly about he feels about you, but he’ll move at a pace that is comfortable for the both of you.

He will also work on developing real trust so that no one has to worry about the other person getting swooped up by another potential boo.

Have you ever met Mr. Right and then realized he was very wrong? Let us know if you’ve had any of these experiences!

Kate Smith, a self-proclaimed word nerd who relishes the power of language to inform, entertain, and inspire. Kate's passion for sharing knowledge and sparking meaningful conversations fuels her every word.